I will not deny that starting over has its challenges. I can post pretty pictures of fun times because in reality Surfer Boy, the kids and I do have fun, but only because we make it that way. The truth is there is a lot of emotional energy and stress involved at times. There are two families, two sets of rules, two backgrounds, and two sets of fundamentals. Obviously after SB and I met we eventually talked about the kids and each other’s fundamentals. Most of these fundamentals we agreed upon, but we still needed to figure out how to put them together. Well it appears that we are figuring that out every day, one hurdle after another.
“It can’t always be bunnies and flowers” as a dear cousin of mine and I always repeat to each other. I don’t see why not, my daughter always has her head in the clouds and it seems so much nicer there. Some days I wish I could just be 8 again. Or wait, rethinking, uh, maybe not. How do you deal with the not so fun moments with the kids, especially the ones that are not yours?
The foundation when blending two families definitely comes from the parents. We have to take the lead. It’s not up to the kids to make it right. We are supposed to be mature enough to handle it, and our emotions. Sometimes this isn’t always that easy. Even though SB and I have strong personalities it can be difficult at times to remember “the rules” we have agreed on. In order to do this we have to be on the same page. We have to talk openly about our differences, because we have them. We are not always on the same page, but wanting to be is a start in the right direction. It’s NOT all bunnies and flowers. He has his way, and I have mine. All I know is that I am perfect in every way, with side of emotions, a dash of feisty and a sprinkle of controlling. I am well seasoned! So is he. We are seasoned a bit the same. Sometimes I relate to him and other times I don’t know what to do. My point is, when you find yourself not on the same page understand that it’s impossible to plan for every situation that may arise. Respecting each other in order to maintain a “united front” is what it takes. No matter what your personalities are, respecting each other is important and in turn will help maintain respect from the kids. You are setting the example. If you don’t establish a united front, your children will notice. If you are not respectful of each other, and at each other’s throats, your children will notice. Those little buggers will catch on if you operate dysfunctional. How can you hold them accountable for their actions, together as a couple, if you can’t even respect each other? I don’t know about you but issues with at least one kid arise daily when we are all together. SB and I can’t afford to be sideways. Has it happened? Yes it has. We do talk about it and things do go a little smoother next time. We are all learning here.
I know I mentioned in a previous post that each parent needs to parent their own child. I talked about resentment. I didn’t really get in to the nitty-gritty of resentment, but I mentioned a fine line. If you disagree with each other during an issue you’ll have to wait to talk about it afterwards, and not in front of the kids. Swallow, deep breath. Remember, the birth parent has the final say. After all, it is their child.
The premise to remember is, respect for each other and of course love. Don’t forget about the love! After all, you can’t go through all the chaos without love! Yes chaos. I meant love the chaos, or was it love each other, love one another, don’t forget you love each other! It is all bunnies and flowers, remember? Ha! We can cover loving the chaos another day. I am still soul searching for that one…