Just this past weekend we went camping. We were north of Santa Barbara at El Capitan State Beach, CA. It was beautiful. I recommend visiting and hope we go back next year. I went with Surfer Boy, some friends and their kids, without my kids. I should say we went without our youngest kids. SB’s oldest son, Ace and his friend went with us. They are 13. These two boys are quite special to me.
The problem is that I just wasn’t the same person without my kids. I am usually a trooper and understand that they are with their dad happily and that is that. I tried my best to be chipper, perky and happy to sit around and watch my girlfriend apply suntan lotion to her kids and run a-muck gathering things together. I am good at running a-muck, it’s what I do best. Don’t get me wrong, I packed all the necessities and special things these two boys would want, but I was still detached and not myself. I have beaten myself up over and over again about how I needed to put my big girl panties on and live in the moment and enjoy the time I had with Surfer Boy, Ace, and our friends. The truth is camping is mine and my girl’s favorite thing to do. It’s a family orientated vacation time and even though I did it without kids when I was younger, times have changed. They were missing and my attitude shined at moments. I did enjoy myself, but that inkling feeling lingered of my two tiny pieces missing and I felt a bit incomplete on this type of vacation.
I did insert myself in to cooking dinner, and breakfast. A girl I went to high school with even showed up as a guest on our other campsite. Small world. We had plenty of drinks, beer and food. I got to girl talk without much interruption. SB and I got to play in the water together, surf together, hold hands, talk about things we don’t usually have time to talk about, and had our own tent (ahem). Did I mention, I surfed too? Even though the waves were small, I still got out there and caught a tiny one. I enjoyed watching SB surf and talk with his best friend he has reconnected with over the last two years. There were a lot of positives.
The truth is, this is how it is sometimes. Next time we will not camp without our kids. We are camping again in August at another beach location all together. Looking forward to it! Glad I got this off my chest, thank you and I feel better now!