Why is it so hard to forgive someone who has wronged you? Why is there so much anger and blame? Does it feel better inside to harbor spite and resentment instead of forgiving someone for their mistakes? Is that inner feeling of spite and anger actually revenge towards that person? I was an angry wife at one point. Why-why-why, is all I ever asked myself. Resentment, anger, failure is all I felt accompanied with loneliness and did I mention resentment? I had to forgive. Forgive myself for my mistakes, forgive the way things turned out. Forgive him of his mistakes. We are parents to two children for goodness sake! In order for me to move on, I had to forgive. Even more than two years later I still have to remind myself of this.
So you’ve been wronged, cheated on, accused of things you didn’t do? Maybe your marriage, job, relationship just didn’t work, and that pisses you off! Has someone hurt you, lied about you, tried to alienate you from your children and countless other hateful acts? Shame on them. Let’s attack them back making them feel pain for the rest of their lives, by never forgiving them!! Muah-ha-ha! I do not really agree with this approach though I am not completely innocent in feeling that it is such a great idea! It is hard to forgive someone especially when you internally have to come to grips with doing this. I am not talking about the forgiveness where you walk up to your betrayer and tell them, “I forgive you”. If your betrayer has apologized and is seeking forgiveness then I suggest to give it. Why? Because you become released from the hurt and you rise above the actions of the betrayer instead of continuing on the angry path you are on crouched at their level.
No way you say? Well I hope that gets you far. Good luck! I’m kidding, please don’t give up on me! I have more to say.
What does the bible say about this? There are countless verses. These two are my favorite and direct to the point.
~ “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”; Matthew 5:44
~“Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.” Luke 17:4
Call me crazy. You must forgive. If your present is consumed with the past, then how can you move forward? How can you give your kids proper direction, laughter, and joy when you exude misery, depression, and resentment? You will be stuck in your rut and everyone around you will feel it. If you’re content on holding a grudge you are only stooping to the level of the betrayer.
If you don’t get past your past, you will bring these feelings and issues in to everything you pursue. It will jeopardize future relationships and the ability to trust and enjoy what could be.
Forgiveness is not about giving in, or pretending that nothing happened. It won’t force you to get along with the betrayer, or admit that your feelings are not justified.
Forgiveness is about moving on, and choosing peace and happiness over being angry. It will free your mind and clean your slate. Forgiveness is about putting your energy to better use instead of harboring anger and resentment. Put your mind at a place where you put your big girl/boy panties on and rise above the actions of the betrayer. Tell yourself, I forgive them, they know not what they do.
Forgive yourself, get well, and move on. Free yourself of the emotional poison.